Push and Shove Until I Break
by CupcakeBatter
Summary: Every time he looks at her, touches her or talks to her feels like a victory, like she got him to choose her over Melissa, even if it's just for a split second. / Spencer-centric one shot, with a lot of Spencer/Wren and Spencer/Melissa.


This mostly follows actual events from the show, but some things might've been left out/added.

Features all sorts of Spencer pairings; it's turned into a bit of a character study.

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

She learns her lessons early on.

Melissa is the firstborn, the picture-perfect student, the sister who gets her way.

Spencer knows it's fear, the reason her sister despises her so much. She's simply scared of being second best.

It's always been push and shove with them, even when they were little.

Her sister was always the older one, the wiser one, the one her parents paid attention to.

A young Spencer figured following in her sister's footsteps in every way possible would get her parents to notice _her _for a change, to reward _her _for the perfect grades, the won spelling bee, the middle school state field hockey win.

It didn't take her long to figure out that, unless she's actually better than Melissa, it would not be enough.

/

Temptation is what draws her to Ian.

He's the forbidden fruit and she's hungry.

She's fourteen and, just like when she was five, still foolish enough to think stealing her sister's toys will get her places in life.

It's always worked out okay for her before, just imitating her sister.

Yes, he's attractive. No, she's not actually attracted to him.

All of her friends talk about Ian like he's a god. They want him because of his good looks. She wants him because her sister wants him.

It's twisted, she knows, the fact that she enjoys every little bit of attention he's willing to pay her so much.

But every time he looks at her, touches her or talks to her feels like a victory, like she got him to choose her over Melissa, even if it's just for a split second.

When they kiss, she feels like she's on top of the world.

After, she feels like a fool.

This is not a victory, she realizes then, this is a defeat.

/

Attraction is what draws her to Wren.

She will admit that her initial interest in him stems from her rivalry with her sister.

But that's just her _initial _interest in him.

Then she catches him out on the patio, smoking. They joke around, and she wonders if he's this flirty with everyone.

This continues for a few days – the banter, the massages, the jokes about his medical knowledge – until things go awry.

When they kiss, thoughts of her sister are far from her mind.

She breaks away from him soon enough – too soon if her body has any say in this – because she still remembers how she felt the last time she kissed her sister's boyfriend.

Her motivation back then was different, yes, but the outcome will surely be the same.

"It's not right."

_It feels right_ is what she doesn't say.

Melissa kicks him out the next day and Spencer gets something worse than the silent treatment for the next few weeks – she gets accusations of intentionally breaking up her sister and her fiancé thrown at her.

She didn't do it on purpose. Not this time.

/

The difference between fourteen-year-old Spencer kissing her sister's boyfriend and seventeen-year-old Spencer kissing Melissa's fiancé is simple – this time around she actually cares about what her sister thinks of her.

She's always secretly cared, secretly wanted Melissa's approval, but now she can openly admit it to herself.

Part of her just feels terrible about what she's done.

She'd also appreciate if her family would stop openly hating on her.

That's why she drives down to Philly to see him, to ask him to explain it all to them. To say he was the one responsible, even if that's not true. Not because she actually wants to see him. (she does, kind of)

She's desperate.

He's right when he says it wouldn't matter what he tells them.

"Perhaps my real mistake was falling for the wrong sister."

It's the highlight of her week.

/

She's in desperate need of a distraction, because all of the sudden Wren is everywhere she goes and there's no way she can date _him_, can she?

In hindsight, she thinks she dates Alex _because_ he's not perfect, not in spite of it.

She's attracted to people who aren't perfect to escape her ridiculously 'perfect' life.

Her sister tells Alex as much at homecoming and Spencer hates her for it. But she can't stop wondering if Melissa is right.

They break up eventually, which was inevitable, if she's being honest.

/

Toby is the enemy for the longest time.

Then, all of the sudden, he's not.

He didn't kill Ali and he's not the violent creep she thought he was for most of her teenage years.

She tutors him in French.

_Chien qui aboie ne mord pas – a dog that barks does not bite._

He doesn't bite or bark.

She thinks she loves him.

They date until A threatens his life. She refuses to see him get hurt because of her.

It's brutal, but she has no choice.

/

Wren is her rebound.

She hates to call him that, but he is.

It's just a kiss, one of many they've shared over the past few months, but she thinks it counts.

The drama going on around her almost lets her forget about Toby.

So much in fact that the night she gets drunk to forget about it all, she crashes at Wren's apartment.

It's easy, this thing she has with Wren. If they didn't have this absurd amount of sexual tension between them, she thinks they could be best friends.

She feels terrible about using Wren to distract herself because he seems to genuinely care about her. He's never made much of an effort to deny it and if past encounters are any indication, he has not given up hope yet.

He was the one to find her crying in the streets - the guy with seemingly endless amounts of empathy and self-restraint when it comes to her.

If she can never be with Toby again, she might as well try to seriously date Wren, she decides.

/

She does get back together with Toby, but it's not for long.

For a number of weeks they are madly in love. He has his own place now, something they take advantage of at numerous sleepovers, and it's good.

Things are good.

Until her heart shatters into a thousand little pieces when she finds out he's part of the A team.

/

She locks herself in her room for two days.

Her parents are in London, so they don't notice that she's been skipping school.

Melissa is home though, and checks in on Spencer every now and then.

Spencer thinks it's sweet of her.

She doesn't know what she's done to deserve Melissa being so nice to her.

It's so unlike her sister to respect her wishes of not wanting to talk about what happened.

Instead of trying to talk to her, Melissa brings her food and opens the door quietly every few hours to make sure Spencer hasn't killed herself yet.

Melissa thinks she's being sneaky but Spencer isn't sleeping so she notices.

After two days, she convinces Spencer to take a shower - "At least wash the smudged eyeliner off your face, you're a mess!" – and come downstairs to have dinner with her.

Spencer obliges, even cracks a small smile.

She's done crying.

No, she can't make sense of this yet but she won't cry about it any longer.

When she walks downstairs, wet hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun, wearing just a loose fitting white shirt and a pair of cotton shorts, she feels better than she has in a while.

She sits down at the kitchen isle as her sister cooks and they talk.

"I'm really worried about you, Spence."

Melissa says, and it sounds so sincere that she starts to feel worried as well.

"I'm okay now, Melissa."

An uncomfortable silence sets in.

"Are you? Because you never skip school and you've barely left your room for days."

Spencer ignores her. She plays with the bottom of her shirt instead, to keep occupied.

A timer goes off and Melissa takes the lasagna out of the oven.

She's about to hand Spencer a plate when the doorbell rings.

They look at each other in confusion, neither of them knowing who it could be.

A small part of Spencer hopes it's Toby, while a bigger part of her dreads that it's him.

/

It's not Toby.

It's Wren.

The look her sister shoots her after she says she'll eat dinner in the barn lets her know that she'll have a lot of explaining to do later.

Truth is, Spencer doesn't know why Wren is there either.

They're sitting on the sofa in the living room, the lasagna left forgotten in the kitchen. Dinner is the last thing on her mind right now.

"Your friends called me."

Spencer furrows her brows in confusion.

"They were worried."

"Why would they call you?"

Wren laughs, even though he still looks worried.

"They didn't say."

She crosses her arms in front of her chest and looks around the room uncomfortably.

The old Spencer would be worried about how much of a mess she is, or about how she's not even wearing a bra, but she's no longer that person.

He puts a hand on her shoulder to get her to look at him.

"Look, Spencer," he starts, and look she does. She looks at him and all she can see in his eyes is love and genuine concern.

It's too much to handle for her right now and she thinks she might cry if she looks at his face any longer.

Instead she kisses him.

She doesn't know why she does it.

But she's tired of crying, and she wanted to kiss him so she figures that's enough of a reason.

He tries to pull away and do the right thing, she'll give him that.

She won't let him do the right thing this time, though, because what he considers to be right is actually the wrong thing for her right now.

He probably thinks he's taking advantage of her vulnerability. He's not.

She wants him, needs him, and she's feeling reckless enough to not even care about the fact that she might be using him.

He relents, then, and kisses her back hard.

In no time she's straddling him, his shirt hanging off his shoulder undone.

He stops her when she starts unbuckling his belt.

"Spencer," he laughs.

She sighs in frustration.

"If you tell me you can't do this, I might actually have to kill you this time, Wren."

He shakes his head, still smiling. She thinks that's a good sign.

"Your sister could walk in any minute. I'm just concerned for our lives here, that's all."

Normally Spencer would laugh at this. Today is not normally.

Instead, she gets up and grabs Wrens hand and drags him upstairs.

They're kissing again when they get to her room. She breaks away from him for a second to lock the door behind them.

"See? Lives saved," she whispers as she pushes him against the door.

Usually she'd worry about the fact that her entire room is a mess, her bed unmade and the floor covered in clothes, but now she just figures the floor could use a few more clothes lying around, so she takes off Wren's shirt and throws it on the ground.

Her cotton shorts are what go next and soon all of their clothes are lying in a heap on the floor.

She considers this to be a therapeutic experience because for the first time in days, she sleeps through the night.

/

Wren wakes her up with kisses the next morning.

She honestly wonders why they haven't done this sooner.

He chuckles when she asks him that.

"I guess the timing was never right," he mumbles sleepily and she thinks she might be in love with the way he sounds just after he wakes up.

When he tells her he has to be at the hospital for his shift soon, she takes a look at the alarm clock on her nightstand. It's barely 9 AM.

She fake pouts, though at least part of it is real.

"At least this way there will be no awkward run-ins with Melissa today," she sighs as she rubs the sleep from her eyes.

"I'll leave all of those awkward conversations to you for the time being," he laughs and tries to get up, but Spencer grabs his arm and pulls him back down.

"Can't you just call in sick?"

He laughs harder at that.

"Spencer, I'm a doctor. Don't you think that would be the least bit suspicious?"

She shakes her head.

"That way at least, you'll be able to cure yourself," she climbs on top of him. "Or I'll have to help you-" she kisses him," … feel better."

He doesn't protest, just kisses her back, but after a few minutes he finally pulls away and gets out of bed.

As he puts his clothes back on, she leans back and admires the view. His body is ridiculously toned.

"You know, it's a shame you have to hide that smokin' body under those scrubs."

He's fully dressed again when he turns around to smile at her. He sits down on her side of the bed and reaches his hand out to intertwine their fingers.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Why yes, doctor Wren! Your medicine did wonders for my mental health…"

He looks like he doubts she's feeling all that better, but she knows he's at least a little convinced.

She smirks, sits up and leans in for a kiss.

"Call me later for a routine check-up?"

He nods.

Before she can protest, he gets up and unlocks the door.

She hears him laugh loudly.

"What is it?"

He walks back in with a tray of breakfast foods.

"I think your sister left this for us," he says as he sets the tray down on the bed.

Spencer can't decide if she should laugh or scream.

She leans forward and grabs the post it note that's attached to one of the plates.

_Enjoy my leftovers. Talk later! xx_

Spencer can't help but laugh at that.

"What's so funny?"

He clearly didn't read the note.

"Nothing," she tries to calm herself down but keeps cracking up again and again. "You should get going. I don't wanna be the reason you're late."

He smiles at her, walks over and pecks her on the lips.

"Talk to you later, Spencer."

She thinks her name has never sounded better than when he says it.

"Bye, Wren."

She raises a hand in a small wave.

What an interesting turn of events.

/

She still feels empty, but it's not as bad anymore.

Maybe seeing Wren will actually be good for her mental state.

She figures it won't hurt either way.

/

She puts on clothes before she eats, because naked breakfast in bed is creepy if you're alone, she decides.

She's glad she did when Melissa flops down on the other side of the bed minutes later, a mischievous grin on her face.

Spencer chews on the croissant she's eating nervously as Melissa stares at her.

"What?"

The two of them look at each other.

Finally, they both start laughing.

They laugh, and laugh, and laugh until they're both breathlessly clutching their stomach, which by now is hurting from all of the laughter.

They eat breakfast together in silence, interrupted only by the occasional fit of laughter.

Once they're done, they sit side by side on her bed, neither of them talking.

Spencer leans over and hugs Melissa.

"Thank you," she whispers.

She doesn't have to elaborate; it's implied - thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for not telling mom and dad. And thank you for not killing me for sleeping with your ex-fiancé.

Melissa hugs her back for a moment, before she leans back.

"Ugh, you should take another shower. You smell like sex and it's gross."

Melissa ignores the shocked expression on her sisters' face.

"And after you're clean, you owe me a long explanation as to what's been going on lately."

She'd dread the conversation they're about to have if it wasn't for the smile on Melissa's face.

With that Melissa leaves the room.

Spencer can't stop laughing for ten minutes straight.

_Bizarre_ is the word she'd use to describe the situation.

/

Spencer likes the friendship they've developed over the years.

She can't imagine ever going back to hating her sister as much as she used to.

They're too alike to not get along.

It's so relaxing, too, to not have to constantly worry about being better than her sister.

They may not always get along, but it works for them.


End file.
